numberhuang: (forced)
Jessica Huang ([personal profile] numberhuang) wrote in [personal profile] losttheright 2017-09-30 03:58 pm (UTC)

"Children are much more insightful than you expect them to be. Always," I agree, and it's true. There's not a day that went by where I wasn't surprised by something that my sons had picked up, something that they'd sensed and internalized. Kids are so smart. They're like sponges, and maybe it's because they aren't completely biased yet at a young age, but they also are just more open to... understanding things about people, I think. They don't always understand why people want to hurt others, why people are cruel or mean, but they can sense the energy. And then they ask all the questions.

I think, over time, Abigail will ask questions. I don't plan on hiding from her the fact that Molly was the one who gave birth to her, who spent nine months growing her and making sure she would be born healthy. Because that is a big commitment. You can always find a way to terminate a pregnancy if you have the money, but Molly wanted Abigail to live. Molly has love for Abigail in her heart, I know it — you don't have to want to be a mother to care for this child that you helped come into the world.

Also, clearly Abigail looks nothing like me.

I know there will definitely be challenges that I don't expect, raising a child of a different ethnicity. I am already expecting people to assume I'm the nanny (at least, those who don't recognize me as a congressperson), and I'm also expecting people to ask why I adopted a white baby instead of a Chinese baby. Let them ask questions. I don't care how much pressure I'm put under; it's Abigail that I want to shield but... not hide things from, either. I don't know how I'll balance that. I hope that I can do it well.

When Molly speaks, I blink and pull myself away from these thoughts. I'll have years to learn and navigate it all. Right now, I just need to have an open heart. My smile widens. "Yes, let's do this."

I wait for her to step inside before I follow. The lawyer is as kind as ever, a little neutral and distant, but I think that's best in a situation like this anyway. You don't want a lawyer making you change your mind. I don't know if I understand every single word, but then the lawyer looks to Molly to sign the papers first. Which I guess makes sense. I can't be Abigail's legal mother while Molly still is.

Abigail watches, quiet and observant, silently sucking on a thumb.

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