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Molly Stearns ([personal profile] losttheright) wrote2012-04-21 08:10 am
Entry tags:

you're not the answer I should know

She doesn't sleep.

Not even for any lack of trying, at least at first, though she suspects a different girl, a more sentimental one, might have stayed awake on purpose, trying to commit every detail to memory in case this winds up being a one-time occurrence. (She's already done that.) Instead, it's hours, or at least it feels like it, that she lies with her head on Stephen's chest, waiting to drift off, never quite letting herself manage it. Eventually, it becomes too futile, and Molly gives up. At least sleeplessness is nicer here, wearing his shirt and with Stephen warm beside her than in her own empty apartment, which she knows from experience after the couple of weeks she's spent here. This isn't anything new. She thinks, though, that what she knows now might just make it worse. Hating Stephen was never easy, but everything else was easier when she thought she'd done what she needed to. Being dead wouldn't have been quite as terrible then. Now, knowing it was for nothing, it's practically fucking unbearable, especially now that she doesn't have Stephen fucking her to distract her from all those uncomfortable truths. All she has is this, whatever that even is, some fragile thing that she can hold onto in the dark but that she's not sure will last until morning. At least she got this, her answers and one pretty great night, but it's only here in the quiet of Stephen's apartment that she thinks that might be disappointing. She'd never want anything more than this, but she thinks she could get used to it even so.

It's for that reason that she considers leaving when the first rays of sunlight filter through his bedroom window. It would be simpler, God knows, easier than waiting for him to ask her to leave, and it's not like he couldn't find her if he wanted to do this again sometime. She thinks she made pretty obvious last night that she's willing enough to put their past behind them to be with him. In the end, though, that's not a risk she can take, and not just because his chest feels too good under her head for her to care to move. If he misinterpreted that, took it as a sign that she'd changed her mind, the fault would be hers, and having underestimated Stephen once, she has no desire to fuck things up again. He came through for her once before, albeit too late. He could prove her wrong now, too.

All there is to do, then, is wait, excruciating as that is, as the sun comes up, to see what he'll do, if he'll write this off as a mistake or if they might have made their peace after all. That, and to hope, but Molly doesn't want to admit that, even to herself.

When he finally does start to wake up, she can tell, feels it by the change in his breathing, but she doesn't do anything, just stays curled against him with her eyes still shut. It's a cheap trick, maybe, but she won't have to keep it up for long. She just wants to see what he does first, too certain of what she wants and of the fact that she shouldn't want it to make the first move herself.
righttoplay: (you'll never be what is in your heart)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-18 09:44 pm (UTC)(link)
It's still early when Stephen wakes, a habit he can't shake, but the head on his chest is a feeling both familiar and unexpected. Absently lifting his hand to brush his fingers carefully through her hair, he gives himself a few moments of simply lying where he is. It's too early to make heads or tails of how he feels about this turn of events now, but the base emotion feels a hell of a lot like satisfaction, quiet and calm. She's alive, she's still here, not some extraordinarily vivid dream. He expected as much, if only because he's not crazy enough for that to have been imagined and her treatment of him has been far too lenient for that anyway.

Half-asleep, he hardly remembers why this was supposed to be a bad idea. As pleasant as it is, though, he isn't one to linger in bed, sentimental, and it isn't long before he pushes himself to get up. He doesn't want to wake her, but he should be up and about, maybe make some coffee for them. Easing slowly out from under her, he leans down to press a kiss to her hair first, a drowsy temptation he doesn't think to resist.
righttoplay: (riding hot as a rocket blast)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-19 08:13 pm (UTC)(link)
"Not that early," Stephen says, fingers running through her hair again as he straightens up. Granted, he knows, his idea of what constitutes early is a little different from that of most people, but she worked with the campaign. She gets it. Things are completely different here and it isn't like he has to rush out or anything, but he still has things to do, ideas to work on before they all hunker down to discuss what's ahead, people he should check in with. Even so, he can stick around a while longer. There's no need to rush, not today.

"I was gonna make some coffee," he says. "You want some?"
righttoplay: (Default)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-20 01:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Stephen shrugs, not sure how to answer that. Technically, he's not in any rush, and it isn't supposed to be a difficult question either. It just feels weird to agree to that, not least because some part of him is always in a hurry. He doesn't have anywhere he needs to be yet, though, or any deadlines to meet.

"Not right this minute," he says, reaching for a wrinkled shirt to put on, though he doesn't trouble finding anything to pull over his boxers. It's not like he's going anywhere yet. It doesn't sit well with him, not having a full schedule, and the few weeks he's been here haven't been nearly enough to put him at ease with that, but he's doing what he can to make sure that changes soon. In the meanwhile, it's not like it's her fault he's been working non-stop for the last fifteen years and isn't really sure how the fuck he's supposed to cope with staying still. "It's not like I have meetings around here yet. I mean, I got stuff to do, but... uh, no. I'm not in a hurry."
righttoplay: (Default)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-21 03:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Not as much as he should be, Stephen thinks, but he's working to change that. Soon enough, he will, and they'll get things rolling here. If they're going to be stuck, they're going to make something of this place, because with the way things are, there's no way in hell they manage like this much longer. "Same sort of stuff," he says wryly, leaning in the doorway. "A hell of a lot less press. I'm getting ideas and shit in order for a — you know, kind of a town hall meeting next week. Get everyone in one place to talk about forming some kind of government."

It may only be provisionary, since he wants to think they'll find a way out of here soon. He's told a few people they would, mostly scared, uncertain teenagers, and he doesn't want to be wrong and he doesn't want to be here when there's a whole fucking campaign back home to be finished and won. There's no telling, though, how long that will really take, and if it proves to be a long time, then they need this even more.
righttoplay: (Default)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-22 06:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Stephen shakes his head. "Wednesday or Thursday, maybe," he says. He wants to be able to get the message out first, with time enough to make sure everyone actually checks their email, since that isn't exactly a priority around here for a lot of people because there's no real reason for it to be. In addition to the fliers Kurt's said he'll put up, he'd rather wait and make sure they get across. If they're going to do this, and they have to, he wants as many people there as possible.

That she all but perks up when he mentions it makes him optimistic, too, although he hardly needs encouragement to be excited about this. They're literally building a governing body from the ground up, the kind of thing he would never have dreamed of doing only because it would never have occurred to him they might have a chance to. It's a real chance to make something, to do some really worthwhile work he knows will legitimately affect people. "There's no way we can continue the way things are going," he says, heading closer to her. He remembers vaguely having offered coffee, but this matters more. "And if no one else is gonna step forward... You'll be there, right? You'll come to the meeting."
righttoplay: (Default)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-22 10:29 pm (UTC)(link)
"It would be," Stephen agrees, but he doesn't trouble to hide the way he smiles, teasing and pleased at once. It's pretty fucking stupid, he knows, to want her there specifically after what happened last time they worked together, but hardly any of the trouble there was the political aspect. She still knows the world of it better than most of the other people here, and he'd like to think that, as far as the political goes, she's learned from her mistakes.

Of course, then again, she's here with him now, so that may be overly optimistic.

"There's like one other person here who knows anything about politics," he says. "She runs a parks and rec division in the middle of Indiana. It's pretty much you and me, from the ground up. It would be very stupid to miss an opportunity like that, yes."
righttoplay: (Default)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-23 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
"Why wouldn't you?"

Stephen could probably come up with a dozen reasons easy all on his own why Molly wouldn't want to be a part of this, why she would choose to stay as far away as possible. Not one of them trumps the reasons why she would. He moves closer, back to stand at the edge of the bed, near her without being too much in her space yet.

"I mean, give me one good reason," he says, "'cause I can't think of any. You didn't want to leave politics. It was circumstances, Molly, and this — this is different. No one here knows about any of that. It's a fresh start. The mistakes don't count anymore. The rules have changed. Fuck, we get to make the rules. A government from the ground up, it's a — a once in a lifetime chance. Less than that, it doesn't happen. I mean, this is... immediate impact. This is really doing something." Just thinking about it is embarrassingly exciting. Before he knew what happened between the Governor and Molly, Morris was the best chance he'd had at real hope in years, the first reminder in a long time of the idealism he possesses, but this here, this is why Stephen got into politics to begin with. "But I mean, if you've got a good reason why you shouldn't, by all means, I'll figure it out."
righttoplay: (Default)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-24 10:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Stephen arches an eyebrow at her, not wholly believing her. She isn't the kind to demur (for that matter, she hasn't, in his experience, been the kind to act with much thought or reticence, and the sign of either might be for the best, regardless of his impatience). Something like this is a fucking dream come true for people like them, and while there are so many ways it's impossibly far from ideal, it still gives them untold opportunities. She'd be crazy to pass up on any of them.

"Okay," he says. "Long as you'll be there. Come on, I never put that coffee on." He thinks about holding out a hand to her, but he doesn't. The gesture is too intimate somehow, even after everything else, for him to safely chance it now.
righttoplay: (Default)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-26 08:59 pm (UTC)(link)
"I'm practically living on it," Stephen says wryly, "but what else is new?" The apartment isn't the nicest place he's ever lived and it isn't the worst either, a small, neat place, perfect for one guy on his own. He's not exactly great at cooking, but he's learned enough over the years to fend for himself when he isn't on the road. Still, he's managed to keep even the kitchen pretty clean. There's a lot about all this he doesn't trust, but the fact that there was a coffeemaker waiting helps some toward making him feel a little less angry about being here.

As he sets up a fresh pot, he glances over at her, the other thing making a big damn difference. If nothing else, at least she has a shot here. It doesn't absolve him of guilt, it doesn't fix things, but it makes them a little more like how they should be. There's something about her, too, walking around in his shirt, perfectly at home. It's a little daunting, but he likes it, likes the level of comfort she's willing to show with him now. It's a start.
righttoplay: (Default)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-27 09:27 pm (UTC)(link)
"God help us when we run out," Stephen says wryly. "Think anyone around here knows how to grow it?" It doesn't matter if they do or not. He knows the climate's all wrong. That's beside the point for now, when he isn't discussing anything serious, when it's just an easy topic they agree on. It's still early enough, after all, that he can't handle anything much heavier than this, unless it's politics. He could do that one in his sleep.

With the coffee slowly dripping into the pot, he heads over to her side, huffing out a near-silent laugh at how she looks, half-asleep against his counter. There's an element of smugness in his amusement, knowing he kept her up late, but mostly, he just likes her like this, even if he has to fight off the memory of the last time she looked this way, wearing his shirt. He'd kiss her, but he's not sure they're there.
righttoplay: (faithless you and selfish me)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-28 03:10 pm (UTC)(link)
"Nothing," Stephen says, still drowsy enough himself he probably looks like a real dope right now, but he can't bring himself to care. It's not as if she's any better off. "You're cute when you're all sleepy." It's probably too affectionate for whatever this is, but it's true, too, so he says it. There's too much else to try and keep penned in to work on hiding that simple a fact anyway. She's adorable, half out of it the way she is. He feels as if he out to try and shepherd her back into bed just to get her to sleep more.

Whatever this is or isn't, he doesn't know. He's still in no position to be in a relationship, not ready to leap back into that mess or taken on something serious when there's work to be done here, but then, he doubts she wants one anyway, and with good reason. Neither of them is there, but she doesn't seem in a hurry to leave or to take him to task again as she did last night, so as far as he figures, the old rules are back in play, same as things were before they changed. Sometimes he can't tell if he's spinning shit even for himself, but it doesn't matter. He gives in after a moment, leaning over to kiss her with a hand at her waist.
righttoplay: (Default)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-04-29 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Stephen laughs, loud and surprised, as he steps away to find a pair of mugs for them. He's just lucky this place came stocked with the basics, because he's pretty sure he wouldn't have thought to get two — or, at least, to have both clean at the same time. As it is, he still has to carry the one he used yesterday over to the sink to clean as he talks. "Yes, cute," he says. "You are. What, you want me to take it back? I could take it back." It's hardly the first word to come to mind most of the time with her, and it shouldn't be when she looks like this, but it's true even so. He'll blame it on not being fully awake yet himself if pressed.
righttoplay: (don't you give up on me)

[personal profile] righttoplay 2012-05-01 05:50 am (UTC)(link)
Stephen glances back over his shoulder at her, brow lifting slightly. She's gorgeous, unabashedly so, and she fucking knows it, lounging around like that in next to nothing. Whatever she plans to do with her day, he doesn't know, but he's having a hell of a time not trying to pick up where they left off last night.

"Shameless," he says. "I didn't say I'd call you something else, just that I'd take it back."
Edited 2012-05-01 06:55 (UTC)

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