Molly Stearns (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
losttheright) wrote2015-12-23 09:56 pm
losttheright) wrote2015-12-23 09:56 pm
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This isn't supposed to be happening.
In the past, she's fucked up and she knows it. She hasn't been quite as careful as she could have, she's slept with the wrong people, she's put herself in all sorts of situations that she probably should have thought through better. Lately, though, this past year and change, that hasn't been the case. For the first time in her life, she's done things by the book, so to speak, got a boyfriend, moved in together, fallen into a steady routine, actually fucking fallen in love. They haven't exactly talked a lot about where they're going to go from here, but she hasn't seen any need to. What they have is already more serious — and conventional — than any relationship she's been in before, and it works for them. Like with most things, she's just taken it as it comes. Now, Molly isn't so sure that's going to be an option anymore.
She isn't sure of anything, really, except her own uncertainty and panic, which puts her potentially even worse off than she was the first time she was in this position. Then, the decision had been made for her the second she found out, no matter how difficult it might have been for her. It wouldn't have been complicated at all if it hadn't been for what turned out to be exactly the wrong person finding out. This time, there's someone else in the equation, and her history might dictate what her choices are here.
That's about as far as Molly has managed to consider anything, though, when all of this has taken place so suddenly. The test she'd gone out to buy on her lunch break had only been to rule the possibility of being pregnant out, to get the lingering thought out of the back of her head and convince herself that being late was just due to stress. She hadn't actually expected a positive result. Everything since then has been a bit of a blur: leaving work early claiming to be sick, taking a couple more tests just to be sure, then making a last-minute appointment to see a doctor, just to be sure. But although she still has to wait on the results of a blood test, there's enough pointing towards the same thing that she knows there's no real way around it, no sense in holding out hope.
Maybe if it weren't for what happened before, the shit in her past that she hasn't told Lee about, this might not seem like quite such an awful thing. Where once she'd thought that, one day, she would settle down and have a family, though, in the time since she's been here, she hasn't known if she'd be able to do that at all anymore. Even if she did, she wouldn't have picked now. There's no getting around it, though, and so, when she gets back to the apartment, only a little later than she normally would have, she doesn't waste time, certain she wouldn't have been able to convincingly pretend like everything is okay anyway. She just takes a deep breath and walks inside, looking about as worried as she feels.
"Hey," she says, relieved at least that Lee is back already and she doesn't just have to sit around with all of this in her head. "Are you busy? I kind of need to talk to you."
In the past, she's fucked up and she knows it. She hasn't been quite as careful as she could have, she's slept with the wrong people, she's put herself in all sorts of situations that she probably should have thought through better. Lately, though, this past year and change, that hasn't been the case. For the first time in her life, she's done things by the book, so to speak, got a boyfriend, moved in together, fallen into a steady routine, actually fucking fallen in love. They haven't exactly talked a lot about where they're going to go from here, but she hasn't seen any need to. What they have is already more serious — and conventional — than any relationship she's been in before, and it works for them. Like with most things, she's just taken it as it comes. Now, Molly isn't so sure that's going to be an option anymore.
She isn't sure of anything, really, except her own uncertainty and panic, which puts her potentially even worse off than she was the first time she was in this position. Then, the decision had been made for her the second she found out, no matter how difficult it might have been for her. It wouldn't have been complicated at all if it hadn't been for what turned out to be exactly the wrong person finding out. This time, there's someone else in the equation, and her history might dictate what her choices are here.
That's about as far as Molly has managed to consider anything, though, when all of this has taken place so suddenly. The test she'd gone out to buy on her lunch break had only been to rule the possibility of being pregnant out, to get the lingering thought out of the back of her head and convince herself that being late was just due to stress. She hadn't actually expected a positive result. Everything since then has been a bit of a blur: leaving work early claiming to be sick, taking a couple more tests just to be sure, then making a last-minute appointment to see a doctor, just to be sure. But although she still has to wait on the results of a blood test, there's enough pointing towards the same thing that she knows there's no real way around it, no sense in holding out hope.
Maybe if it weren't for what happened before, the shit in her past that she hasn't told Lee about, this might not seem like quite such an awful thing. Where once she'd thought that, one day, she would settle down and have a family, though, in the time since she's been here, she hasn't known if she'd be able to do that at all anymore. Even if she did, she wouldn't have picked now. There's no getting around it, though, and so, when she gets back to the apartment, only a little later than she normally would have, she doesn't waste time, certain she wouldn't have been able to convincingly pretend like everything is okay anyway. She just takes a deep breath and walks inside, looking about as worried as she feels.
"Hey," she says, relieved at least that Lee is back already and she doesn't just have to sit around with all of this in her head. "Are you busy? I kind of need to talk to you."