losttheright: (pic#2993527)
It's over.

Thinking about it like that is probably strange and awful, Molly is sure, but right now, she doesn't care. The papers are all signed, Abigail is with Jessica — with her mother now, in every legal and emotional sense — and her belongings in the process of being moved over, and she's all but signed the lease on an apartment she's been eyeing for a while. Whatever should or shouldn't be the case, though, she doesn't feel conflicted at all. Mostly, she just feels relieved, a weight off her shoulders that she's been carrying around since Lee disappeared, or, really, since well before that. She was never cut out for the life she wound up in. Maybe the two of them together could have made it work, but she isn't so sure of that, either, with as much time as she spent waiting for him to change his mind and leave again. From the start, it wasn't right. She doesn't regret the choice she made, if only because she knows she couldn't have made a different one, but things finally feel like they're starting to fall back into place.

She may still be well and truly fucked in the head, but that's something to deal with at a later time. Right now, the relief outweighs all of it.

Finally alone, Molly considers going to a bar, but then pulls out her phone instead, firing off a quick text to Clarke. She may as well have a little company. It's less depressing than drinking alone. Everything's finally settled. :) Wanna come celebrate with me?
losttheright: (pic#2993705)
Somehow, it doesn't come as a surprise when she wakes up alone.

Losing Russell and Andrea in one go the way she had, Molly had been thrown for a loop to say the least, left in a state of panic dangerous for her condition at the time, feeling like her entire world had just given way from under her feet. Mindy going not long after hadn't exactly helped much, though she had been preoccupied with Abigail at the time, sleep-deprived and exhausted and not able to stop to pay it too much mine. Before then, there had been any number of others she'd lost, close friends, people who might have been something a little more than that if given half the chance. Lisbeth, Chase, even Stephen, who she still thinks about more often than she would ever admit to, they'd all left her thrown. And it isn't like this doesn't, not by a long shot.

It's just that, sooner or later, she was bound to grow numb to it, and when she finds Lee gone, tries to call him only to hear an automated message that his phone has been disconnected, the most she feels is a hollow emptiness in her chest and the sense that she should have seen this coming.

Then again, for all she knows, time has nothing to do with it. She hasn't felt right since Abby was born, since before then, just waiting for something to click into place that still has yet to come. The other people she knows with children, they're good at it, they're happy about it. Even when it's hard, it seems like something that makes sense. That's never been the case for her. She's always been good with kids, but apparently that doesn't extend to her own, probably in no small part because that connection is something she just seems to be lacking. Oh, she can fake it alright, she can go through the motions and do what she needs to, but that doesn't change the fact that it's been a long time since she felt like herself, with no end to it in sight. Once or twice, she's tried looking it up to find out if that's normal, seen some terms thrown around, read that for people who've been through some of the shit she has, this transition and experience can often be more difficult. Whether there's a clinical term for it or not, though, something is missing. That, apparently, is also the case when it comes to trying to process the fact that Lee is gone, that she's here now on her own with a baby that she's never really known what to do with, just a couple of weeks away from going back to work.

In all the years she's been in Darrow, for the most part, Molly hasn't done much thinking ahead. It's enough just to be here, to know that she gets to have something at all, and if that time runs out, well, so be it. Now, that's just about the only thing she can do, to try to determine where she's going to go from here, because God knows she hadn't considered that this might be where she would wind up, twenty-five and a single parent. Nearly five more years of life than she was ever supposed to get back home is still a big fucking deal, but that's all the more reason why she can't waste what she has. She needs to let herself have a life. She needs to do what's right for both of them, and even before she was on her own with this, she wasn't sure that it was something she would be cut out for. It just seemed like she didn't have another choice. Like she said to Lee once, though, there are choices, and that hasn't changed just because Abby is almost three months old now. Somewhere out there, there's got to be someone who would be thrilled to raise a little girl. When she considers it like that, she isn't really sure that there's even a decision to be made.

Still, it isn't as if she can do any of this impulsively, not least when she doesn't exactly trust herself with it. So, instead, she does the only thing that makes sense: she pulls herself out of bed, calls a babysitter, dresses in jeans and a button-down shirt, curls her hair and puts on a little makeup. Before she leaves the apartment — and, God, she doesn't think she can stay here for very long — she sends texts to Katie and Clarke, two of the only friends she's got left and the two people she trusts the most, to see if they're around for her to stop by. Either one of them, she has no doubt, would tell her if she's making a mistake by even letting this be an option. Deep down, though, it already doesn't feel like one.
losttheright: (pic#2993504)
The whole idea had come about somewhat randomly while talking to Clarke. Molly couldn't even say, now, exactly what prompted it, but one thing led to another, led to talking about how the four of them should get together sometime, led to making plans to go out for dinner. It's only after the fact, getting ready to leave, that Molly realizes she's never actually done this before. She's gone out with groups of friends, sure, sometimes even with someone she was seeing, but never just the two of them with another couple, probably because none of the relationships she's been in before this have amounted to much of anything, or been all that serious, at least on her end. Nothing like this ever came up. Now, though, it just makes sense. Clarke has become one of the closer friends she has here, and she's liked Bellamy, when they've spoken, and, well, it's not like they won't all have anything to talk about. If anything, she kind of wonders if she'll be the odd one out, being the only one of them not from space in some capacity, which is such an absurd thought that she can't even be bothered by it. It's definitely not something she'd be able to say before.

Waiting in the lobby of the restaurant where they've agreed to meet, her head leaning absently against Lee's shoulder, she grins and straightens when she spots them. "Hey, guys," she says warmly. "I'm glad you could make it. Lee, Clarke and Bellamy; Clarke and Bellamy, Lee."

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Molly Stearns

April 2022

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